My life feels like labor and delivery right now. No I am not pregnant but the parallels truly are slapping me in the face. I’ve always thought that labor is a time when you really need to be in your physical prime (yet you’re a whale) and you need lots of energy (but you’re exhausted from growing a human and peeing all night). For one of life’s most physically and mentally demanding events, you really go into it pretty blimpy, haggard, and squidgy around the edges. It’s annoyingly ironic, almost humorous, even (unless you are in late pregnancy right now, and then you most definitely are not laughing… Cue: emoji with round circle eyes and straight small mouth.)
That’s how I feel about bedtime… And I can bet most other mama’s do as well. I truly love my time with my children. If my 5 year old wasn’t such a social bugger I would possibly homeschool. Holiday breaks are too short, and a perfect day is spent at home with my kids, reading, dancing, playing, and exploring on the property.
That being said, about 10 minutes before bedtime I start to get a little excited. There will be some time alone, the infamous “me time” that we all talk about or air quote to our friends.
But as it worked out in our home, the younger one finally started sleeping at two! This was almost exactly when the older one started giving us grief at fall-the-freak-asleep time and waking at night-also-known-as-adult-time wanting us and our room, and to pee, and to drink, and to be with us because he loves us, and blah blah blah. Just talking about it makes my skin crawl. Not getting into the specifics about it because it is a huge challenge right now, and we are at a loss. But no fear the professionals are stepping in, and YAY! We need it!
So back to life being like labor. Or more like when you need or want more energy it is ironically zapped from you for a variety of reasons.
This is just one example of “something when you need or want more energy” but I also work at night, possibly hang out with friends at home after bedtime, exercise, bathe, craft, blog, pretty much anything but clean. (On rare occasions I will do some cleaning or laundry, but after 8 the cleaning lady hangs up her scrub brush.)
I’ve been really excited to work on the blog format, purchase the url, and finally get the title rolling and “out there”. This has been a new and exciting way to spend some of that budgeted evening time.
But after this particular bedtime, let’s just call it he who shall not be named, I feel like I’ve been through WW3 with wrestling, tears on both ends, illogical negotiations and then finally a peace treaty.
What’s left? What do I have left to give? When you are in labor, no matter how round and tired you are, you bear down, bite the towel, and push that baby out.
So, I’m getting ready to sneak out of my 5 year olds room, ever so quietly, and going to actually be glad that my life is like labor because the baby does get out one way or another. The task will get completed, or not. But in striving for more focus, I need to stick to my lists, time frames, etc. in order to move forward and also focus on the task at hand. Focusing on the task at hand doesn’t necessarily mean making more to do lists or becoming more productive. It means focusing on the now, what is right in front of me, and being there in that moment.
So maybe I should have shut off my phone and not written this blog post from beneath a fuzzy blanket, whilst humming softly to my 5 year old. Where was the focus in that? Well after the peace treaty it was a relaxing space to write, calm my nerves, and release the tension that the routine has created. Sometimes we do need a distraction, an outlet from the reality. Dear moms in 2005, I’m sorry you had to hide out alone underneath the fuzzy blanket with tears drying on your cheeks. I’m grateful for technology to support me in reaching out to a friend with a quick text in times of insanity= IT’S GETTING CRAZY UP IN HERE! Or to my gal pals= WHEN ARE WE HAVING HUSBANDS DO BEDTIME? Thank goodness for the connection that these darned smartphones allow us to have with one another. For that this country girl is ever grateful.
One thing I’m glad about tonight is that I’m not actually pushing a baby out. And if you are, you can do it, even if you’re a little crusty, a wee bit round, and are breathless looking at a flight of stairs. You most definitely can do it.