Gin & Zin

Reflection

Who am I? What does my reflection say about me? As I look at myself in the mirror I wonder what my purpose is, what is my life about, do I make an impact? I see others making two steps forward everyday with their ambitions, careers, education, goals, self help and care. I feel myself slowly crumbling and deteriorating but yet helping to build up everyone else around me.

I am the HELP for others everyday.  The go to woman who is asked to do so much for family and friends. The woman that is asked often for advice and help, you know, the YES woman. I notice that I am making the sacrifices to be here at my kid’s and husband’s beck and call daily and putting all my ambitions to the side for what feels like an eternity and yet everyone around me is moving in the right direction because of my HELP.

I’m wrapped up in being there for everyone else, being asked to do this and that. Daily parenting duties with three kids on different schedules, a husband who works hours away and needing alone time for his masters program. I am available for everyone around me because of my decision to be a stay at home mom. But I am beginning to understand that society around me assumes I am available all day because “I just stay at home.”  Lets get something straight, I am a spinning top all day everyday, my schedule is just as packed as everyone else, the duties that get done with a nanny, housekeeper or anyone else in your home while at work, is done by me. So when I am asked for a favor, I truly am fitting it into my busy schedule, so please don’t think its easy and please don’t take advantage. If I had the HELP that I hand out daily I would also be a working parent or go back to school for a Masters, heck I would go do something for me.  Who would help me out? Who could I call? I am the HELP! That help for everyone else.

The world is revolving around me and I’m at a stand still. How am I benefiting from this? The amount of effort that I put into pleasing everyone around me, needs to be reversed. Slowly I am understanding that what goes around doesn’t necessarily come around. I need to stop feeling guilty for me time and make myself just as much as an important priority as others around me. Learning that I will have to start saying “YES” to myself is my new mission. I know deep down that I am someone, I can be great outside the home, and I have so much to prove to myself. I want to impress my children and husband and do things to make them feel proud of me as I do with them and their accomplishments. Here’s to a new day!  A new outlook!  A new REFLECTION!

Written by Guest Mama Shannon whose favorite drink is Starbuck’s Very Berry

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