Gin & Zin

The Unmentionables

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~~~~~~~~~Gin & Zin Collaborative Post~~~~~

We were talking the other day about how there were a few things that people don’t mention prior to you having a child. There are the common ones people do mention like “You’d better rest now, as you will never sleep again” as well as the “bladder control issues” that may or may not ensue. Well we came up with 12 things that aren’t spoken about at formal dinner parties. Readers beware… This may be a bit graphic.


————-covered belly—-naked marked stretching belly——

We would like to think of this as a friendly warning, a little heads up to possibly prepare you for some of the physical mishaps that can occur. In no way are we giving medical advice nor are we completely accurate in our descriptions. Thankfully we have not lived through all unmentionables personally. By remaining anonymous we are able to share these uncomfortable topics without anyone actually claiming them. Also we are not poking fun at these issues. Because we have lived through some of them. We are not mentioning the obvious health issues that can happen (gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) as most people talk about those at formal dinner parties.

Also, this is not a venting post to offend anyone who isn’t able to become pregnant. We are here for you, we honor you and your body and know that all life is a gift.

This is a post to enlighten those who want to know what could possibly happen to the body that even your sister or friend may not be comfortable sharing with you. We are here for you. Pregnancy and birth is a journey and has its ups and downs.

  1. There may be some bladder control issues. There may be a small amount when you least expect it, like when you jump to grab a spilling sippy cup, or even when you sneeze or cough. There just might be a large amount with even the slightest of movement, impact, or urge. Even jogging can prove difficult for some time. It just depends on your body.
  2. There also may be some other control issues. Yes we are talking the back section. Basic female anatomy illustrates that the back section may take some impact during the making, baking, and expelling process of the child. This may be minor where farts aren’t trusted for a day or a week, or this may be more serious where one may need to utilize not so sexy undergarments to avoid messes. That’s right, changing your baby’s diapers while wearing diapers. It could happen to you.
  3. Discussing #1 & #2… See what we did there? #1 refers to pee and #2 refers to poop? So smart, I tell ya! Also, there may be some tearing along the skin between the baby shoot and the poop shoot, or between the baby shoot and the pee shoot. This sometimes requires stitches. These stitches may be minor or they may hurt worse than natural childbirth. It just depends on the type of tear. Tears are very common. Some do not need any stitching at all.
  4. You may have weird vein, skin, teeth, and muscle challenges. Some veins can throb as the blood volume increases. Skin issues can be positive (the glow!) or itchy, dry, or even a rash! Teeth and gums can bleed and be sore. Muscle aches do not even need a description. Have you seen what the female body can do? It can stretch like a mother.
  5. Nipples can get infected. And then heal. And then get infected again. It’s a pain like no other. The hardest part is, in some cases, the best thing you can do for your tender nip is keep feeding your baby even though you want to keep them guarded from the slightest of touches. Nipples can be sore, get huge, get infected, be inverted, and then get infected again. The thought makes me want to suck my thumb in the fetal position. But don’t give up! You will get through it and have those sweet breastfeeding moments again.
  6. Vulvur varices– there is a large vein in the vag that can swell and bulge out. It can feel like the uterus and baby inside are going to fall out at any given moment. It can ache and pulse and be uncomfortable. They make fancy panties that are tight and the goal is to help that falling out feeling. They are super uggo and look hot through summer pregnancies. On the same vein note, varicose veins can feel very achy, nerve twinging as well. This increased pressure can cause a lot of pain. Fortunately support stockings can help. But you need to wear them all the time. Again, not super convenient for hot summer months, hiking, sweating, you get the picture.
  7. Gastrointestinal symptoms– nausea, vomiting, constipation anyone??? Nausea can come and go, or stay stay stay. The vomiting can do the same, sneak up on you like in the movies, or just tempt your body daily. The intestines are being squashed, moved around, and hormones change A LOT of things.
  8. Late night leg cramps. You thought your dreaded morning alarm was bad. Try shooting out of bed from a peaceful sleep with an ungodly leg cramp in the middle of the night. Then desperately trying to find a stretch that relieves the pain. Not fun. Keep hydrated and make sure you’re getting enough magnesium.
  9. Ever heard of an Anal Fissure? We hope you have not. Because wow. Just wow. What is it? A tear in the lining of your anal canal. Basically feels like a deep paper cut right inside your butthole. You have sharp, stinging, burning pain during your bowel movements. It’s itchy. Sometimes bloody, and you will dread your trips to the bathroom. If you have been through this we are SO sorry! Lots of fluids, stool softeners, senna tea, and sweet potatoes will be your friend BFF if you have one of these.
  10. Sex after birth. Let’s just be honest… it feels different. Not forever, but for a while. It also comes with a roller coaster of emotion. Many thoughts will run through your mind: Does it feel different for him also? Will my sex drive come back? Why does it hurt now and will it stop? Will it feel loose forever? Does it smell different? Does my vagina look different? Am I still sexy to him? He better not grab my achy engorged boobs, they’re off limits! Truth is, after a human comes out of your vagina, a place that was once your sexual promised land, it feels different emotionally and sexually for a while. It takes time to not feel like a total mess down there. Sex will be great again. Maybe even better because you reached a new level with your partner. Give it time!
  11. Oh hemorrhoids. Didn’t see that one coming, or 3! These little suckers can sneak up on you during the pregnancy, then have their grand performance during birth and the following days to follow, then after you think they are gone they will have a few encores. They suck. Some hang around for the long haul.
  12. Stretch marks. For some this happens as soon as you start growing for others you think you have made it through your pregnancy stretch mark free and then bam, the sneaky little bastards show up in your final days. Keep in mind, “Your body is not ruined, you’re a tiger who has earned her stripes.” Love that line.                                                           IMG_6787                                                                                             stripes fo sho

There you have it. Some not so fun truths we’ve stumbled upon about pregnancy, delivery, and beyond. Our bodies are road maps, and each pregnancy is different. These can be small prices to pay for that sweet babe, but they can also affect your daily well being and self image. Remember, you are not alone in this. We are with you, sharing some of our unmentionables!

This is just gross. 10 hour shifts at 36 weeks will lead to nasty feet. Enjoy!


2 thoughts on “The Unmentionables

  1. Wow!!!!! I had some giggles but also cringed remembering what my body went through. Still recovering from certain “ailments” but I’m so proud that my bod went through all of that to give me my babies!!!
    Ps Chels! Your feet!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! 😂😂😂😂. XOXOX

    1. Seriously the ones that don’t go away are the worst! EWW those feet! That was on my last day of work before I had Owen..

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