Who are you?
My name is Tashina and I’m a 32 year old passionate, reading-obsessed, adventurous Mother of two little boys, ages 3 and 9.
What is your biggest strength as a mom?
Despite my waves of being overwhelmed, I think my strength is my fearlessness toward life as it changes. I try to adapt quickly and get it all done. The kids don’t want or need for anything. Coming from where I did, I find this extraordinarily wonderful. And, I think I’m a fun, adventurous parent. We have a great life, so many friends, we play a ton, we go on trips, we hike, we explore, we are spontaneous. I’m not afraid to be on a mountain with two kids or travel by myself with them and they seem to mostly think that’s pretty awesome. And other than that, of course, it’s my endless patience, well-thought out organic, homegrown daily prepared meals, and perfect attendance to absolutely all of their needs. <that’s a joke>
How do you spend time away from your children?
I run, I exercise, I go outside and spend time with my thoughts in nature, on a hike, at a river, or I go out with girlfriends or date, or I go to a coffee shop and relish in the quiet to do homework.
When did you decide you were ready to date and why?
I decided to start dating again pretty quickly (defined by what I believe is the ‘typical’ expected time frame) after it was decided we would be getting a divorce. I assumed there was a very long grieving process that needed to happen (and of course sometimes there is). For me, once the decision was made, I found it mostly easy and moreover, important, to look forward completely because I know this is the best thing that could happen. The “why” did I go right into dating is similar- I loved being married actually, and presumably you must date to find the person you want to marry. I think love is what makes it all go around and I can’t wait to celebrate a long-term anniversary again.
How have your dates come to be? Blind dates, online, organically?
I’ve met a lot of amazing people on a dating app (not a website but similar), organically this has happened as well (out and about during free time, socializing), and so far, no blind dates, but those sound fun too!
What was that first date like after your divorce?
It was a good ‘get your feet wet’ experience. I had not been alone with a “stranger” (in a restaurant of course!) in so long. I had a good time. I like people, and we enjoyed each other’s company. Although, I’m fairly certain I can make it challenging to flirt with me if I too quickly start talking about uteruses or go on a feminist rant and I get that. How can one deny the complete awesomeness of just being your unfiltered self though?
When do you find the time to date?!
Prior to just recently, I would go out (if I did) on one or two of the nights that my kids were away from home. That situation has changed and time is more limited now and I’ve been prioritizing going running and managing stress at the gym. I find free evenings a bit more sporadic and I’ve been mostly using them to be with my amazing girlfriends or host girl’s nights, or do homework, see clients, etc. At this point, now that I’m hearing my answer “out loud”, I can see I need a body double to date for me.
What are you loving about dating? ie: getting all dressed up? being wined and dined? that sweet twiterpation about the unknown?
I try to look my best when I’m presenting myself to the world in general. I especially love getting dressed up. Sometimes I do it for no reason! So, yes to that and also a meal without a toddler on my lap is great, and seeing the inside of a restaurant, eating a meal I didn’t cook is AH-MAZING. I love people, so learning about them on a date is also fascinating to me.
Have you had any total dating fails?
Oh, gosh. How do I admit to this gracefully? I can’t. Yes. Oh, yes. I have indeed made a fool of myself. In silly ways, I’ve failed, as in, I’ve accidentally stood someone up (completely blanked on a date) and I’ve tripped in heels, and I’ve choked on food, spit everywhere, and I’ve called someone by the wrong name (in my defense, people mispronounce my name all of the time when they meet me!) and in the less funny, more serious ways, I have failed as well. I met one person that I probably should have known better than to become involved with during that time and fell wonderfully into that, anyway. I had so much going on, I wasn’t myself, I had a traumatic couple of months to say the least. I handled some things in ways I deeply regret in the wake of that. I drained myself in that time period trying to navigate when I should have allowed myself a grace period. That heartbreak proves it, but I still believe it’s a privilege to care about someone so much, and have them care about you so deeply. It’s a sort of magic to meet people you feel you’ve always known or can say anything to. I think the familiarity in another person’s being is almost what we live for- the connectedness that reminds us we belong, are lovable, important, and seen. Anyhow, I was humbled beyond belief by this failure, which is an extension of what divorce has done also. So much learning has happened. It’s such a good thing.
What advice would you give another mama putting herself out there?
I can give funny advice, but I think that is mostly it. Here is a couple of things I do, and that I think work well. Firstly, do what you want, and make no apologies for it. YOLO, or Carpe Diem, right? Secondly when I’m not YOLO’ing, I have decided that I don’t meet men for “drinks” on first dates, and when they suggest it, I instead offer coffee. I like wine as much as the next person but I’d rather just see if we like each other without it, and being that I’ve been proposed to by a couple of intoxicated people in my life, I want to avoid any further illegitimate proposals in the future! Haha! I figure if we really enjoy one another’s company or conversation on a walk to nowhere or in a coffee shop, that’s best.
I bring floss.
I skip small talk. Dive right in. Is this scary? I don’t know. Maybe not for the right person. Possibly terrifying for the rest. Again, I know nothing.
Lastly, and most importantly: I am really open about my kids, I talk about Motherhood and feel that it’s really one of, if not THE, best qualities about me. I am already a proud, devoted Mom, and I may be a wonderful Mom to more babies. You get to know that ahead of time, Yay! I think there’s plenty of fun things about me in a dating situation, but ultimately, my goal is to have a family with someone, in a marriage, where we build a fortress of love and loyalty (and have a family dog AND a weekly housekeeper. Just throwing that out there). I know there’s a lot of anxiety about this for single Moms because in a perfect world, we get married once to the person we have a child with, and stay married forever, and when we don’t manage to achieve that, we somehow end up apologizing for it, or feeling ashamed. I just won’t do it. I think me + kids is a gift. You get three of us to love you for the rest of your life and lots of people would kill for that much love and for kids this awesome and a wife THIS funny.
Tashina you are hilarious and a breath of fresh air!! Thank you for being a part of our blog!