I’ve found my current state in parenting to be very manic. The last year especially has been really high or really low. It seems more black and white moments, not a lot of grey days or moments. I have found myself crying tears of happiness, so blessed to be right where I am, hugging onto my littles so tightly, knowing that all is right in our world. There have also been times where I have felt so lost and disconnected, where I have felt beyond exhausted, depleted, and wanting to not feel the negativity threaded throughout my withered spirit.
There is absolutely no filter here in my house! I have a very outspoken 5 year old little girl. As a mother of an 8,5, & 1 year old, my belly has had its fair share of punches and kicks. My growing belly held a 9 pound 14 ounce and two 8 pound 8 ounce babies. With that came a lot of lines and play dough like hanging skin. Something that I have learned to be thankful for. No bikinis here, but if I can wear a shirt without looking 5 months prego, we are all good. Hey it even gives my one year old a good five minutes of squishy play dough like fun without worrying about him eating the dough.
I often looked forward to going to bed for the night, at 8pm when the kiddos went down, my battery ran out and all I could think about was lying my head down and closing my eyes. Forget the dishes piled high, the laundry baskets overflowing, the toys scattered like leaves in Fall, any personal time or working to achieve my goals, hey I even forgot that I had a husband that just walked in the door minutes before. Sleep had become my happy place, the only thing I wanted to do as soon as I woke for the morning. And then something changed.
When Zin told me about the one word challenge, I of course wanted to hop on board. I usually do when she brings anything my way, i.e. natural labor, healthy organic eating, exercise, etc. No seriously, her word is gold to me, and I might be a blob without her. Anyway, thinking about what one word I needed more of in my life also got me to thinking about what words I need less of. Read more
The Circle Game
I’m chronically nostalgic. It just happens. I crave re-living, re-creating, re-looking at photos. Sometimes even during intense good times I want to reminisce about the moment. When I’m in it. I’m diagnosing myself as having chronic nostalgitis.
I lived through my teens believing I was reincarnated. I still feel that way sometimes. I felt that I for sure lived through the late 60’s. So much about that time resonated with me, most of all the music. I failed and then passed my drivers test listening to Simon and Garfunkel’s Sounds of Silence cassette tape. I was born in 1983. This was a little odd for my day.
In the words of Carrie Underwood, sometimes you just need a Smoke break. And that couldn’t ring more true in my life these days. I have 2 small children, work a full time job, cook, clean and still find time to be a wife. Although I wouldn’t change it for the world, I’m still figuring out how to find balance it all of it. Ideally, I would love to be a better wife… Because without my husband, the rest wouldn’t be there. He provides a calmness to my chaos. He loves me even when I’m grumpy from a rough day of work. He loves me when I’m broken out, hair in a bun and in my sweat pants looking like a sexy beast. Read more
This post comes to you written in a bathtub. Yep, a bathtub. My husband is home and I’m FREEEE for some alone time. Ahhh… so nice.
I stare down at my mom body and smile. Because this body made those sweet voices I can hear downstairs.
I will admit, most of the time, (especially while picking out something to wear) I’m not too thrilled with my post-baby body. But right this minute grateful is all I feel. The extra pounds, new stretch marks, and less than perky breasts mean something so much more. That I am a BADASS! And every single change that my body has made is for the most worthy of reasons. Those little voices downstairs.
Thankful. Grateful. Blessed.
My current reality is hairy legs, greasy hair, and a tired face. But for good reason. I try to be an attentive/fun mother/wife, which for me usually means most other aspects of life go to s#!&. Sorry husband, I promise someday I will “exude” some kind of sexuality again. Maybe someday I will learn how to “do it all”, but I don’t know how yet and I’m ok with that. For now.
That said, I need to vent. I have a permanent looking tired face and I can’t get rid of it. Even when I Read more
My life feels like labor and delivery right now. No I am not pregnant but the parallels truly are slapping me in the face. I’ve always thought that labor is a time when you really need to be in your physical prime (yet you’re a whale) and you need lots of energy (but you’re exhausted from growing a human and peeing all night). For one of life’s most physically and mentally demanding events, you really go into it pretty blimpy, haggard, and squidgy around the edges. It’s annoyingly ironic, almost humorous, even (unless you are in late pregnancy right now, and then you most definitely are not laughing… Cue: emoji with round circle eyes and straight small mouth.)
My cousin (who I miss fiercely as she lives on the other side of the country) shared a fantastic challenge with me. The idea was to pick one word to work on each year. Not like a true resolution where you need to do more of blank or eat less of blank but something to work on, a general word that could be applied to many aspects of your life. There are a few blogs that highlight this topic, but the original link that she sent me was by Ali Edwards called One Little Word.