I’ve found my current state in parenting to be very manic. The last year especially has been really high or really low. It seems more black and white moments, not a lot of grey days or moments. I have found myself crying tears of happiness, so blessed to be right where I am, hugging onto my littles so tightly, knowing that all is right in our world. There have also been times where I have felt so lost and disconnected, where I have felt beyond exhausted, depleted, and wanting to not feel the negativity threaded throughout my withered spirit.
Given I haven’t seen a counsellor regarding this mania that I have experienced, I am really not sure that is exactly what is going on. I do find it fun to diagnose myself (and others) with ailments, but I am not an MD. I am aware of it, namely because the highs have been so high, so often and so… high. And the lows are much much fewer than the highs. So I haven’t really checked into it in a medical sense. But in a momitual sense I am constantly checking on it, asking myself Why am I up so high and then down another moment? What can I do to be more even keel? Why is this happening? Is it such a bad thing? What am I doing to work through these moments?
I have a few ideas.
First, I have children who are in the testing phase, and who are a bit up and down themselves. This is a part of life, the ebb and flow of emotion, desires, moods, this is our growth source. I’m realizing the lows provide as much (if not more) room for growing than the highs.
Second, it has been years since I have been able to count on 6 hours of sleep per night. I recently had 8 hours of sleep, and my glasses had a different tint that day! My son was at a sleepover at the time, so I didn’t have his wakings to rouse me that night. The lack of sleep has taken such a toll physically, mentally, on my husband and I. We are finally crawling out of the cave (or maybe into it?) and starting to get a few more regular zzz’s. This helps everything.
Third, I intentionally seek natural highs! In the last two weeks I have had at least 4 experiences of utter natural highs that fill up my energetic cup. It wasn’t until writing them out here that I understood how connected these experiences are.
1. Guided meditation evening~ surrounded by spiritual women and a goddess leader. During the guided meditation I literally felt high (I questioned the incense but it was, in fact, incense), picked Spirit animal cards, and then open discussion. Overall a very calming experience and lifted my spirits.
2. Receiving bodywork~ I had a massage session and energy work from the amazing Penny at the Parlor. Her crainiosacral therapy does wonders with your spirit. The withered me was blown away and the awakened, hungry, and energetic me has started to emerge. Check her out at The Parlor.
3. Solo run in the rain~ I took off for a run midday. Halfway through the endorphins kicked into full power and I was laughing, shaking with happiness, and smiling at the irony that running in the rain was my idea of supreme fun. It was a sprinty type of run around the track by the river. It was just the river and I, the laughs and the puddles.
4. Sol Flow Yoga~ I attended a session at a glorious studio this week. I’ve practiced for years, without much regularity the last 5, but my practice never fails to provide highs. I held back tears during a few songs, and barely held back my voice- I just wanted to belt out the lyrics! The flow was just right, with various options. There was even some essential oils integrated into the class~ heavenly! Check out Sol Flow Studios.
All in all, I’ve decided the mania is me. I grow with the lows, and revel in the highs. The gap between the two is shorter with more hours of sleep under my belt. I want to share my highs, to challenge other mothers to put themselves on the list. These experiences did not require getting a babysitter, but did require me giving myself the “time off”. No, experiences 1-4 did not involve my children directly. This was time I carved out to make space for quality time with myself for my own spirit. My babes fill me up as well, and that is for another post altogether… But here I’m talking about you. About me. What have you done for your spirit today?
Do or do not. There is no try.